It was the usual Thursday Morning, another day for ‘Thursday Showers’, an interdenominational charismatic prayer meeting. Today like every other days, Simisola was rather reluctant to go out.
‘Simisola’, Stanley called out,as he was making his into the room to get dressed.
Stanley and Simi had been attending the prayer program for about two years go for the prayer meeting with friends who introduced them to the program.Thereafter,Stanley would drop her at the mall,where she runs a boutique,then head back to his office.
‘I am not going anywhere today’ Simi replied.
what’s the point? we have been attending this meeting for 2 years now and yet no result. I am tired! she exclaimed as she threw herself on the bed in despair.
At this point,tears started flowing down her eyes,Stanley saw the tears and quickly moved towards her,while trying to get his shirt together as he tried to button up.
“Darling, Not again, please don’t cry “, He said, trying to console her.
‘God is never late, He will never forget us”.
“Stanley,He has forgotten us, God has forgotten us. 12 years of marriage and no children. Not even one,and you are there telling me he has not forgotten ! please spare me your sermon this morning “, she shouted at him as she slamped the door,and left him in the room.
Stanley consoled her her and finally got Simi,to go for the prayer meeting.They arrived there just in time for the worship session .As the worship began, Simi went on her knees crying and worshiping and singing. The session ended and she felt lifted. The pastor gave a short exhortation and the prayer meeting was over.
Everyone made their way out of the hall,Stanley and Simi,took their time to step out as Simi felt the urge to stay a little while longer.Stanley agreed and they both stayed behind holding hands together Stanley whispered in her ear.
“It will end in praise”. Simi chuckled ,with a smile she responded, Amen!
Just right after she moved her leg to get closer to Stanley, there she saw a small while paper folded and to her amazement, the paper had her name written boldly on it,”Simisola Stanley-Adetiba” who could have written her a letter? why is it o the floor? how she did not see it before now? These question ran through her mind as she bend over to pick the paper.
As she opened the paper, it read;
.
Tears rolled endlessly as she stared into the paper,and the words came alive to her more than ever before.
One year later…..
Stanley and Simi,are back at “Thursday Showers” with Dara,and Zara their 10 month old twins…. indeed everything changed,as a result of the paper on the floor that day.
Bamikeadeyemiwrites 
Just so lovely and heartwarming 🙂
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Thank you Sis! 😉
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My pleasure 🙂
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That’s some feel-good writing! Good job! 🙂
Do visit http://www.notionlux.wordpress.com if you can. I would love to hear from you!
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Thanks , I sure will.
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I really like the ideas and narrative to this story.
If I may offer some advice to next time, or if you plan to rework this at any point.
I think it could do with fleshing out some. There are some bits brushed over (like how she was evetualy consoled) that I’d like to have read a bit more about.
Your use of italics for speech is quite interesting, though at times you added a ‘ ‘ around them as well. Be consistent.
When one person talking, don’t break their speech up with a line gap. Keep it together so we know it’s still them, and not the other person replying.
Proof read and edit more! There’s a couple of simple errors to fix. If you can, get someone else to have read it for you. As the auther, your eyes will more likely brush over the simple mistakes as your mind reads what it thinks is there, not what actually is :).
Finaly the more tricky one, gramer and layout. I’ll paste in one of your paragraphs, then rework it how I think it should be. I’m not an expert, so don’t take my advice and suggestions as fact, but hopefully they’ll be useful.
You wrote:-
Just right after she moved her leg to get closer to Stanley, there she saw a small while paper folded and to her amazement, the paper had her name written boldly on it,”Simisola Stanley-Adetiba” who could have written her a letter? why is it o the floor? how she did not see it before now? These question ran through her mind as she bend over to pick the paper.
I suggest:
Right after she moved her leg to get closer to Stanley, she saw a small folded piece of white paper. To her amazement the paper had her name written boldly on it,”Simisola Stanley-Adetiba”.
Who could have written her a letter? Why is it o the floor?
How she did not see it before now? These question ran through her mind as she bent over to pick it up.
A few grammatical changes to sentences, a few more capital letters, a few words fixed that were mistyped.
Again I think the storyline is great, and you’ve got some nice ideas there. Give it a redraft, go through and add a bit more, see if you can tidy it up in a few places, get someone to proof read it. Then repost it again! 🙂 See what people think of the changes.
I hope this helps. I look forward to reading more :).
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Wow,Thank you so much for this. I am really enthralled because you took your time to read through, no one is ever an expert in the true sense of expertise,but getting tips from fellows from time to time cannot be over emphasized. I appreciate this gesture, and will try to tweak it here and there as time goes on. Thank you and Thank you. Hope to see more of you here 🙂 🙂
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You did a great job getting the reader involved in this. Good story!
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Thank you, I appreciate that coming from you. 🙂
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I just listened to your worship singing at Lily of The Valley church.. What an incredible witness! Gave me chills. Wish I could have been there!!
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