Marital bliss or not.

I came across an Instagram Post of  a dear friend of mine- It was herself and her Husband celebrating their 10th year wedding anniversary with a renewal vows ceremony.  Sending out big congratulations to them.

Reading through all her words and the lovely memories they’ve shared  through photos really made me giggle.They were such beautiful words and one of the words she wrote was like an admonition to all the single people out there.

#Marry God’s Choice- I couldn’t agree less with her on that one. As if she knew the next question that will pop out of that statement she wrote further,”Ask him for a sign to know if the person you are marrying is His choice for you. God’s approval is the only one you need.

In this age of Instant this , instant that. You will agree with me that a lot of our young eligible bachelors and spinsters are not given to waiting on God for direction in that regard  it so saddening to know that even in Church, the idea of waiting and trusting God seems like waiting forever, so they’ll be like,getting things done in their own way.

The success of any family is rooted in the foundation of that family. The reason why we are dealing with failed marriages, separation ,divorce, abuse in today’s world is because of faulty foundation which starts ,having trust issues ,lack of self-control , the list is endless.

Marriage is team work,and it most crucial to the success of any society. If the home is good it will reflect on the society and if it is bad, there will be a reflection of that as well. Today many people get married for all reasons except the right reasons. They want social security so the ladies are looking for the guy who is already loaded, He has a great job, He has a great car,lives in a porch environment  and all other accessories to show off.

This day’s the guys are not looking for some girl who will end up being a liability to them, so the men are hunting for the women to milk dry.

On what ground was the marriage institution based on?

What was on the mind of God, when he thought up the idea of man and woman cleaving together to become one flesh?

I believe the followings are the reasons and basis for marriage which can enhance family success and the success of the society

Companionship- Remember, God said in Genesis, It is not good for this man to be alone, I need to find him someone that looks like him, that he can relate and play with. Because it was too obvious that the Man couldn’t find companionship in the animals ,despite the fact that he was the one naming the animals( That;s some level of companionship but it wasn’t enough).

God made a Woman out of the Man so that they could keep each other company and they could relate to the same frequency.

Friendship- Every human being needs friends to listen , to care, to relate with. Another major reason for marriage is friendship, and it is that friendship that keeps the relationship going after a while when it seems the love thang is not zinging.

Accomplishment -Eccle 4:9, Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labour. Success is multiplied within the context of marriage because both parties are challenging each other to be the best at their chosen field without any feeling of negative emotions.

Intimate sharing -that is taking friendship to another level.

Decent Sex- marriage is honorable to God , the bed undefiled. Sexual intimacy within the confines of marriage not outside of it.

Procreation- You will notice that procreation was not in the top list of these reasons, let’s go back to Genesis 2:24

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and his united to his wife and they become one flesh.

 

OLD COP

Old couples know the way to love!

 

The other day, an argument came up among my alma mater about the issue of procreation,the question was.’is it compulsory to have children as married couples?

A lot of people gave a varying opinion. I shared my own views opinion with them ,that having children was not the primary reason for the institution of marriage,because if it were so, what would have become the story of couples who have been married for years yet have no children and they are still enjoying their union regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been blessed with children in my marriage because having children enhances marriage especially in the part of the world that I come from. But what about those who are married but don’t have children, does that make them ‘less married’ or ‘less human’?  Having Children in marriage is part of God’s plan for the marriage Institution, but it is not the ultimate plan for marriage.

Divine Destiny-The fulfilment of purpose individually and collectively as married couples, no two marriages are the same, and every couple goes through varying challenges ,the ability to come out of such challenges is what makes couples celebrates anniversaries and renew vows, not because their marriages have been a bed of roses-  Maybe, it is because in actual fact roses have thorns! but they have been able to withstand the storms together.

Marriage is an Institution that you never graduate from, because learning is ongoing, both of you are learning on the job,

It is important to understand clearly these fundamentals. Especially to the young people who are plunging into the sea of wedlock without counting the cost.  In recent past, we have heard cases couples involved in domestic violence  resulting in fatal accidents and even death  because for one reason or the other they refused to deal with the warning signs while they were courting.

It always a beautiful feeling to celebrate milestones in marriage,and renew vows to stay together.  Big congratulations to as many people celebrating their wedding anniversaries, Renewal of Vows.

For those who don’t have the privilege to celebrate: Singles, Divorced,Widows- You are never alone. Enjoy life (Though it tough sometimes).

To the Single and still searching, ‘Look well, before you leap’. 😀

WAIT

 

Shalom,

OBA2016@Thekingsoracle. All rights reserved.

 

 

The ties that bind…”attachment system”.

The ties that binds us are stronger than the occasional stresses that separates us-Colin Powell.

Kola and Shade had just sent their two daughters off to college,on the way home she felt a little blue. She reached for Kola’s hand, to which he responded,”No,can’t you see I’m driving”. Yes in her mind she knows he’s driving,and was trying to bury all the emotion of letting the girls off inside, deep inside she felt vulnerable. His comment felt rejecting.

She really needed a bit of comforting,but instead of expressing herself,she folded arms and looked out of the window for the rest of the ride home in silence.

“Are you alright?”, Jack asked.

“What am I supposed to be alright? You drive fast, You don’t want to stop for lunch- what do you expect? the feeling of hurt and anger overwhelmed her as she responded to her husband.

I know he loves me,so why do I feel rejected by his not wanting to hold my hands?

 

Anita sat in front of her Mac Notebook,trying to sort out her emails, send correspondence to her overseas colleagues.

 Kayode paced back and forth,trying to get her attention. as he mumbled under his breath,”Woman, you have been glued to this gadgets for days now. You are not even aware of what’s happening around you”.

Kayode was capable of picking up the slack around the house while she goes about her paperwork and other correspondence but he missed his wife! Though he felt sad and alone. He also felt hurt and angry.

One night,an argument ensued, and Kayode couldn’t bottle the emotion any longer, ‘This House is in chaos,Anita because  you are yet to learn how to balance your life”.

She didn’t see that coming. Hearing Kayode’s criticism, Anita felt attacked and unsupported,and so she defended herself. who’s right and who’s wrong now?  Kayode actually wanted his wife to see how much he had missed  and for them to find time to spend together.. Kayode became silent and withdrawn!

More

The beats goes on…13 years still counting.

 

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When the concert of life began 13 years ago.

 

Today we celebrate 13 years of marriage. Wow, it all seemed like yesterday. There were times I felt like ending it all. Thank God I did not allow my stubbornness get the best of me. Love found me many years before He could summon the courage to ask me out.

He once told me that the first time he saw me was in church, that petite young girl, vivacious and always on the move, but He knew.

One day she will be mine, He said.

Truly I became his, and he became mine.

 

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Walking the road together forever.

 

 

It will be a rhythmic journey, sometimes the chords sync with the vibes

Other days we just went off-key, and the sound became pale.

But then again, The tempo became an upbeat and we  could dance on and on.

The mixture of the genres and style of music all played in this love story, someday I became black and blue.

The blues won’t even melt my  hardcore Hip-hop Rap mind, Then he played softly on the drums  giving me a brush stroke with that single paradiddle. I knew I wanted to stay in this concert forever.

Here I am with my Afro free spirited neo-soul, can this soul bird fly again, because she has to take care of her nest, she can hear two beautiful birds now.

It’s no longer two became one, two became four.

The concert hall has expanded and now we have new voices,

The sound of these cuties kept us through the Legato season.

They came with great accompaniment to the sound of this music.

Some days it andante, in a moderately slow tempo

Other days it was a cadenza, each one finding expression in the group. 

The staccato phase helped us to value the importance of each note, and together we produced great vibes.

13 years of beautiful rhythmic flow, the great artistry of four lives woven together by the hand of the Master. A tapestry of  colorful masterpieces.

13 years of the Musical; Love was, Love is, and love will always be.

The mixture of the legato,  staccatos, andante and the cadenza makes the journey a jolly ride indeed.

andante and the cadenza makes the journey a jolly ride indeed.

If you ask me; I will choose Adewale (my beloved) again and again.

I will share the concert stage of life with you over and over again.

To the director of this Symphony- The Father from whom all families on earth derives its name.

 

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Smiling and looking ahead into the future.

 

All the glory belong to you o Lord.

I am truly grateful for the Union Lord.

To many more years ahead My love.

 

 

From Passive to Responsible..The Story of my marital journey.

In a couple of days from now I will be celebrating 13 years of Marital Life. Who would have thought that this stubborn,blunt woman will ever get married, let alone stay this long with a man-This must be God’s doing absolutely.

I never really believed in the institution of Marriage, My folks didn’t try enough to convince me otherwise. I always fantasied about marrying a prince in shinning armor,sweeping the petite princess(me) off her feet and living happily ever after,but as I grew older ,and witnessed the marital upheavals between my folks, I decided in my mind,that it wasn’t worth it. Thirteen years down the line, I have been proven wrong, over and over again. Marriage is worth every ounce of work and effort you put into it.

Today I want to share, a few of the fundamental lessons I have learnt in my marital journey, taking into considerations that no two marriage are the same, I believe that we can learn and glean ideas from one another.

Before I became a converted Christian, my belief system as regards the whole idea of marriage was to just have 2 children and remain single,and  be independent of any man who will boss me around with all that male chauvinism which is still prevalent in most culture today. I just wanted to be ‘Independent’, do my thing,and not be responsible or accountable to any man for that matter.

But thanks be to God, who had a bigger plan for me, and still has great plans ahead,I would have missed it, if not for the love of great sisters in Christ,who were my guidance as regards God’s intent and purpose for marriage and a marital bliss, they helped changed my mindset and as I began to grow as a young Christian ,my faulty belief system cowered in the face of the truth of God’s counsel.

My younger sisters, found their significant other before me,and In most African setting the oldest daughter is suppose to be the first girl to be given out in marriage. That was a bit of concern for my parents, and at some point it became an issue for me- I thought that now that I have real love in Christ, it should be easy for a godly man to find me and then we settle down. It didn’t happen that quickly!

It won’t be long, when I would  meet my ‘own”, after 2 failed relationship as a young vibrant christian sister. And the rest they say ….is history!

In the course of my marital journey, I think I lost my sense of responsibility and Identity. Learning to take responsibility for one’s own life is a major theme in the lives of contemporary Christian women,and for many of us ,this theme is also connected with the search for individual authenticity and Identity.

After I finished from the university, my desire was to be a stay-at-home-mum,to be there for my husband and children, and also to run the assignment God thrust to my bosom,giving myself to family life totally. I just didn’t want anything to do with the 9 to 5 working class.

Though I fantasied about the idea of being home with the children while the man of the house will go about his daily work,come back home and everything is prim and proper,for the greater part of my journey,It was only a dream and when it dawned on me that, I was living in the ‘sleeping beauty’ world. I had to wake up.

For one, I didn’t get married to a rich bloke,so I couldn’t live in that fantasy. My husband was a struggling young musician,and what he was bringing home was just a meager that could only go far.  I needed to find something to do to help augment what was coming in. Because I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mum, I had to find some vocation that will not take me away from the home for too long ,something I can do whilst taking care of the home front.

The first Child came,what a bundle of joy, he came in and brought meaning to our lives,as the family grew the needs began to grow, and the strain on finance became obvious. There is a calling on my life,but as it seemed at that time, the calling wasn’t doing anything to meet the family need as there began a straining in the finances and everything generally. I had to engage myself now, So I decided to enroll in a nearby fashion school for 1 year. Within the space of 6 months I was already creative director for my boss, before the end of that year I bought myself a sewing machine,and was already getting clients.

troubled-marriage-quotes-on-pinterest-together-forever-quotes-inspirational-marriage-quotes.jpg

With something coming in sparsely, I didn’t need to wait for the Man of the House before taking some minute financial decisions, I knew would be a relief for him.That cycle went on for years. Suddenly, I realized it was the same cycle I saw with my parents. mother worked so hard , that at some point it was no longer ‘necessary’ for father’s input.

Does God have a plan for my marriage?

I found myself always asking questions in the place of prayer, and asking God to turn the tides, I didn’t want any of all that my mother went through. I knew I needed to sort out out certain things in the place of prayer. Being a stay at home afforded me the time to really straighten out those Issues. You see a woman begins to call the shots with respect to finances in the home, unconsciously she begins to lose respect for her man,I didn’t want that in my marriage.

I would use certain scriptures to pray for my husband,

But if any provide not for his own,and especially for those of his own house,he has denied the faith, and is worse than an Infidel.

Telling God, I didn’t marry an infidel, but a man after God’s heart, reminding Him that He has made my husband the head, I am just a help meet and that’s all I wanted as far as my marriage is concerned.  I consistently prayed this line of prayers for years and still do!

I remember an Older friend of mine, who said to me,’your own input in the whole picture should be like adding salt to the soup’. As a help meet, your ideas, suggestions, or finance is like spice to the already cooked pot of stew! I wanted to see that desperately in my marriage,so I contributed my quota,with respect to running the home-Intentionally telling myself, I am helper not Head.

Gradually,in taking responsibilities, I now realized God allowed that passivity on both sides because he was preparing us  for greater pursuit ahead.

Life -lessons;

*I have learnt that  no two marriages are the same,you must always check with the maker of the marriage institution for yours to work.

*Every marriage/ Home as a mission or Vision. Find yours and run with it wholeheartedly

*I have learnt that as a woman,if you’re more financially buoyant than your Husband,it doesn’t mean you should assume ‘Headship’ of the Family.

*God allow us to go through and grow through certain things in Life to test our hearts.

*There are generational cycles and patterns that will be obvious in your marriage, you must learn to deal with and break such cycles. I saw the cycle of the woman being, “the boss lady” at home and the man becomes passive. I broke it in the place of intense prayer and petition. Deal with every faulty foundation in prayers.

Today, I  have a better understanding about how to abase and abound. I am thankful that Pro 31: 11,23 is a tangible reality in my marriage.

..Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of  value.

….Her husband is respected  at the city gate,where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

Though the Journey is still far ahead, and there abounds bumps, gallops, and pot holes, yet there still abound much more smooth and jolly rides. Marriage is not a sleeping beauty story it is hard work.

What personal lessons have you learnt in yours? Can you share as well.

 

 

OBA 2016@Thekingsoracle.

Image credit: Wisdomqoutesandstories.com

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kingsoracle

Indie jazz/soul recording artiste,author,speaker and teacher. passionate Christ lover,transformational leader,youth advocate.purpose driven wife and mother.

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Charday Cherie'

Author, Dancer, Speaker

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