Handling The Emotional Pain Of Rejection.

Let’s face it,life is never fair, Reminds me of the line in MaryMary’s song,”….nobody told me that the road will be easy,and I don’t believe he’s brought me this far to leave me. The scripture says,In this world we will experience troubles,difficulties, but Christ gave the assurance to be of good cheer because he has overcome the world.One of the many things that Christ has overcome for us is REJECTION! He was rejected also(Isa53:3).

Everyone will experience rejection,one way or another at different seasons of life.Someone reading this write up may be suffering from the pain at the moment, the beauty and the joy is that we can always overcome it,no matter how hurt,wounded and shattered the pain may have caused us. I suffered from this emotional pain for most of my life, and didn’t know that it was still there until very recently! I was once asked the question,”What do you want?So many things flooded my mind regarding what i wanted,and for a long time I kept meditating on that question.Finally I gave my answer. I wanted to be Free!!.

Hmmn! free from what? I wanted to be free from pain,discomfort,free from limiting beliefs etc.It was then it dawn on me that I had been carrying a huge baggage of the pain of rejection right from my childhood. As I sat among these friends of mine,my childhood days  began to play out back at me. I began to share things I never knew were still buried in my heart. As I poured out my heart,I knew the hour of healing had come for me,and here I am to share some of the results of the healing that is still on going. I hope someone will be healed by reading this!

As a young child growing up,I believed my parents preferred my other siblings to me,and that belief system affected me so much that it was as if I was constantly trying to prove  a point to people one way or another. You see when we don’t deal with our baggages,they will always interfere with whatever new situation we find ourselves in. More often than not,the pain we carry into new situation is the pain of failure  from the past when we don’t let those pain go,they hinder us from attaining to new heights.I am on the verge of a new horizon and I found out that I may never be able to go far, if I don’t rid off the pain of Rejection.

Why does rejection wound us so deeply?Why does it hurt so bad that sometimes you feel like you are choking. It is because it attacks the very person that we are ,destroying our self -esteem.Many people who have faced rejection grow up with unresolved emotional wounds.These emotional wounds begin to show up our personality, most of the time we don’t realise that they are fruits of what we’ve suffered or we are still dealing with. Some of these Fruits show up through the following;

*Seeking for acceptance: Trying to seek for, and get approval from Parents,Spouse,Boss,Colleagues, as such going to any length to get what has already been given.The older brother of the prodigal son in the Scriptures buttress this.He felt rejected and unloved when he saw how their Father celebrated the lost Son.I always felt like that as the first child,and never got the attention I wanted( so I thought).

*Opinionated personality : Always conceitedly assertive about yourviews,beliefs,always having the desire to be right about things.People who suffer rejection are often obstinate and  very stubborn. I remember I used to be very stubborn and opinionated while growing.I believe I still am,in some areas.I am still, “Work  in progress!

*Performance orientation; The  constant tendency to fall back  into striving by human effort.It is an attitude of acceptance of lies about us,built into our nature from infancy. A compulsive need for approval, like we call around here, “I shant gree” attitude which cause striving for attention through fear and tension. Because of the need for acceptance and approval, we begin to put up a “Show” which in itself  does not define who we are. All of these fruits or traits indicates that the issue of rejection is an Identity Problem.

HOW CAN ONE OVERCOME REJECTION?

It is very possible to overcome rejection,even though many of us have scars and wounds from the past that leaves us reeling. Healing is available and I can tell you that it may not be immediately, but If you commit to the process like I have ,you will become a better person for it. One of the crucial step to the healing of the emotional pain is to know and understand  that God never forsakes his own.

*King David the famous psalmist rightly said it in one of his writings,” When my father and mother forsakes me,Then the LORD will take care of me. (Psalm 27:10) .I am sure he wrote this when he was in one of the lowest point of his life. Bringing our relationship with God into proper perspective is an important step to overcoming the stronghold of rejection. I love these songs from Israel Houghton and the New breed, ” He knows my name, and “I am not forgotten!. SEE YOURSELF AS GOD SEES YOU.Remember, He will never forsake you!.

*MEDITATION ON GOD’S WORD: Constant meditation on what God’s word says about you,is another vital factor to the healing  process, surrounding yourself with positive and affirmative words ..because there is power in spoken words so you need to meditate and as you do so,you begin to speak those words over you.

*EXCHANGE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WITH POSITIVE:There is  a direct correlation between the mind,the body and your physical wellbeing.

The poet John Milton wrote,The mind is its own place,and it itself can make a heav’n of hell,a hell of heav’n.

In otherwords as a man thinketh so is he.As human being we are constantly in battle with what goes on in our minds.Everytime negative thoughts,and every whisper inadequacy wants to set in,substitute such with everything beautiful. Whatever things are true ,whatever things are noble,whatever things are just,whatever things are pure,whatever things are lovely,whatever things are of good report…think on these things.

*KEEP MOVING FORWARD:Keep on, keeping on. Rejection is not a measure of your true worth,shift your focus to God’s acceptance of you,because sometimes we make ourselves unhappy by envisioning the change that won’t happen,your mother may never be a warm loving person,your father may never tell you verbally that he loves you,your boss may never show you he/she appreciate your effort, your children may never tell you they appreciate you etc.Let the change begins with you.Never give the person or persons  who rejects you the permission to put a price-tag on you. Your value is in God. You are his treasured possession don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

As you are healing and becoming a better You,Always put yourself in a position to help   others to heal.Offering God’s unconditional love and acceptance!.

Comforting others with the comfort that you have received. Let this mind be in you….